Internal Boundaries
Internal vs External
We talk a lot about external boundaries.
Cutting a toxic person out of your life, walking away from an argument. It’s true that this is a critical concept to master in order to stop allowing other people to bring you down. However, the person that has the most influence on your mood is actually yourself.
I’ll continue with the garden analogy. Other people entering your life are like weeds or flowers that sprout up. The weeds need to be pulled out asap. The key to knowing which is which? Weeds, no matter how much you water them, will always bring you down.
The second all the weeds are gone, though, you quickly realize that there is still a ton of maintenance required to care for the garden.Ensuring the soil has a lot of nutrients to support flowers. Watering, trimming the hedges. Planting your own growth. All of these tasks can be associated with pruning and priming your own mind and body. This is where the real work is.
It Starts From a Seed
So what exactly are we holding internal boundaries for?
There are certain ideas that are introduced by society or circumstance that start as seemingly small temptations. An example would be the constant consumption of “stuff” in today’s ecommerce environment. This is widely accepted in our capitalist society (who doesn’t like Amazon?), but it is actually critical to correct this way of thinking. You see, this little habit grow over time, and becomes a central belief that you that you always need more.
Think of it like making a pathway in the dirt. The more you tread it, the wider it becomes, and the easier it is to take that path. The more you confirm “yes I do need more, I’ll buy this!” the more you normalize it. Now that you have accepted it, that idea then bleeds into everything. Always needing more in relationships, in work… you are more readily manipulated, and you are also less committed. From work to your love life, these concepts have lasting impacts.
More is not better. It would be more beneficial to focus on building quality rather than always seeking more options. You don’t need more, you need to take better care of what you already have. Adding more to the equation just makes it more complicated and exhausting.
The Joys of Self-Restraint
These small mental models seem limiting - but they are the opposite. You see, a bad mental model gone unchecked can derail you for years, some even your entire life. You need to focus on what is important, to focus on what is important. The only way to avoid these negative consequences, is to be sure to trim the hedges consistently. Before your bad thinking manifests itself in the physical realm, be sure to check yourself.
Do I really need this?
Can I make do with what I have?
Do I need more money, or do I just need better spending habits?
Is more really the answer, or is there another issue I’m avoiding?
I personally like the concept of give and take. Anytime I want something, I have to earn it. With more than just money. Buy something, give something away.
Freedom from these faults allows you to be centered and strong on your life path. Which, if you want an exceptional life, is key. It's surely not for everyone, and you will find most people do not offer that much self-control. That’s fine. You are trying to be something more, something greater. If you merely wanted to live out your human experience, then you could do that. But if you desire a higher purpose, you better check those hedges.
It’s like a Michelen star restaurant versus a taco stand. There are different levels in between, for sure. But you want to be the best. To get the Michelin star, a tremendous attention to detail is required. Your mind is your restaurant. Pay close attention to what happens inside.
