You Have Low Standards

“You have low standards.”

I was in Paris, eating a 10 course meal at Cheval Blanc when a friend of mine said this to me. I looked at them with humor in my eyes - me? Low standards? I was a high strung independent woman, no one had ever told me my standards were too low.

But sitting there, something within me knew they were right. It was a little painful to admit that I had let myself down… but these moments of pain allow us to console ourselves with changed behavior.

Keep this in mind.

The reason for this remark was because I worked my ass off. I demanded so much from myself, and yet didn’t demand as much for myself, from others.

I got paid decently, but I didn’t ask for more money even when I knew I was the top performing employee in the company. I would listen to anyone’s point of view and entertain anyone’s opinion on my life and what I should do next. I wouldn’t expect to live in the penthouse, or have designer brands…

Some may see this as reasonable. I’m a practical, grounded lady. Accommodating. “Nice.”

I shudder at those words now. It’s society’s way of getting us to prioritize the feelings of others above our own. It’s society’s way of getting us to have low standards.

I was burnt out, and never seemed to be in a good mood. I was never fit enough, never had enough money, and yet I still worked out 6x a week, and yet still worked a full-time job with 10 other side projects.

It was always my fault - I didn’t have xyz because I wasn’t trying hard enough.

The truth of the matter was, I was doing too much. The problem was not my performance, the problem was my low expectations. I allowed others to lowball me. I allowed others priorities to become my own.

Reaching the next level is not about doing more. It’s about raising your standards. Low standards enable you to act to a lower standard.

I was worth double my salary and yet accepted what I was offered because it would be outrageous to ask for more.. I was already making far more than most people! I conveniently ignored the fact that I also work way harder than most people. I’m WORTH more than other people.

But society tells me that I’m stuck-up and narcissistic if I believe that. And so I de-value myself internally, and accept less than I deserve, and because of that I’m angry. Life is unfair, I hate my job, yadda yadda. This negative narrative is dangerous because victimizing ourselves allows us to act like the victim. I would lash out in meetings when people needed to be spoon-fed information. I would get agitated sitting on calls that weren’t ran perfectly. At any inconvenience I was not only annoyed - I couldn’t stand it. Like ants crawling on me, I just wanted to slap the shit out of them.

Demanding more for yourself is critical in order to demand more of yourself.

Get it?

Who gives a fuck what people think of you - ask for the raise. Tell people you’re busy and make time for yourself to just relax. Stop being responsible for anyone else’s feelings. Move to the nicer location. Find the time for that hobby you love. Stop accepting dates with people you wouldn’t marry - their attention is so not worth your time.

You know what you want - you just need to demand it. You don’t need to DO more…the second you raise your standards, your value skyrockets.

And then, you will find that you are able to act to a higher standard in return. But it’s a give and then a take, and you need to give to yourself before making demands of yourself.

Circling back to the narrative that holding such high regard for yourself is “selfish.”

Demanding more for yourself is not selfish in the same way that having a lot of money is not an inherently selfish thing. The more you give to yourself, the more you can give to others. If you give yourself shit, you give others shit. If you give yourself respect and kindness, that is what you will give others.

It sounds nice to devalue money, but a car full of broke people won’t go anywhere - someone needs to pay for gas. The same is true for society. The same is true for you.

It’s time to let go of the sloppy idea that you don’t deserve more. You do. Demand it. And then see how much more good you do because of it.