The Truth About Motivation
Influence. Motivation. Attention. The highest commodity assets that exist today. The question on everyone’s mind is how to attain these elements. Usually in order to profit from them in some way.
However, this manipulative and impersonal viewpoint is exactly why most people are unable to connect with others on the level in which they are able to grasp their attention and influence them.
Remember, people are highly self-absorbed. Our natural instinct is to not trust anyone, and to protect oneself. So if we get the sense that someone thinks they are superior to us, and makes us feel used or manipulated in any way, we label them as a threat.
The misconception about motivating someone is that they give a shit what you believe or think. You think they will admire you, or respect you to the point in which they will listen. This is not the case. Instead, what they are asking themselves is, “What’s in it for me?”
You can see this demonstrated in whom you respect the most at work. Was it the overbearing boss that nitpicked your work to your embarrassment that made you want to be an outstanding employee? No, in fact, you were very motivated to tell her to shove your work, with all of her markups on it, straight…in the trash.
Do you feel that emotion? That resistance? Perhaps she had good intentions, but the way she chose to engage with you made you feel bad about yourself. She could be responsible for 99% of the company’s revenue, and you would still not be inspired.
Motivation is the belief that you can attain a higher level, so you strive and work hard for it. If someone is doubting you, or making you feel insignificant, then it undermines this belief system and motivates us in the opposite direction. We start thinking, why try? Is it not better to try less, if I will never make xyz happy? If I will never be more than insufficient?
Now think about the leaders that believed in you. That took a chance on you. What wouldn’t you give to make them proud? Probably anything. If you let them down, you’d feel bad about yourself.
See the difference?
The kindest moment in my 10+ year career in construction management was my first day on the job. Looking back, without this event and a few other brilliant mentors right out the gate, I would have never touched this industry.
It was on my first day that I showed up wearing business casual, when everyone around me was wearing jeans and boots. I was a sophomore in college, with absolutely no clue what I was getting myself into.
Looking back, I would expect them to correct me immediately. To lecture me on the job. Explain everything in detail. If they had, I would have been horribly humiliated, and probably wouldn’t have shown up the next day.
Instead, one of the superintendents asked me to run an errand for him. He was picking up a rental car, and needed me to drive his company truck back to the site. I agreed immediately, and then spent the entire car ride thinking “I have never even driven a truck before.” The superintendent didn’t seem to be worried in the slightest, not even thinking about asking to see my driver’s license before handing over the keys. So I drove across the entire city of San Diego and completed the mission successfully.
Why does this moment mean so much to me? Why do I remember it, like a needle in the haystack of my career?
The car ride was slightly awkward, as a 17 year-old woman and a 40+ year old male superintendent don’t have a lot of common ground. Yet, he did not try to fill the silence with telling me the toils of the job, or how to be successful. He just got to know me, as best as he could. Then he trusted me with his company car, that if I had crashed, he would have been fired over doing.
He had nothing to gain, and everything to lose. Yet from that day forward, I decided to keep trying to be the best at my job. Even if I had a gnarly learning curve ahead of me. Even if some days I wanted to cry. I kept going because I knew they believed in me.
Not only did this ultimately lead to me becoming the perfect employee to their benefit, but it pushed me to become one of the most respected young professionals in the industry. As a woman, that’s saying a lot.
This is what motivation is. Genuine human connection.
We can try and fill the hole of motivation with money, fancy titles, or false promises. We even try to do this with ourselves. But the truth of the matter is, we do it on behalf of connection. We do it to make ourselves, and those that care about us, proud.
Everyone talks about the toxicity of office politics, and it makes me sad to see it. If they only understood that they can be kind, genuine, and supportive and get better results. Both women and men feel like we need to assert dominance to lead. It is quite the opposite. Lean on your natural talents to be a mother, a father, or a sibling. Genuinely desire better for that person, but as an equal, not an inferior. Work as a team to a common goal.
If only we understood that if we treat ourselves in the same way, kind, gentle, encouraging, that we would also be motivated to try harder.
If we all did this, we would find so much more reward in work.
